


Broken vs. Whole

by Drhair76



Series: what the hell would I be without you [6]
Category: How to Train Your Dragon (Movies)
Genre: Adorable Toothless (How to Train Your Dragon), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III Needs a Hug, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-17
Updated: 2019-08-17
Packaged: 2020-09-01 12:53:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20258416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Drhair76/pseuds/Drhair76
Summary: "I'm training to be a dragon killer." He admitted quietly. Toothless almost missed it and would've been completely sure that he didn't speak at all if it wasn't for his upset look afterwards. "I'm learning to kill your kind."or, Hiccup feels like he's betraying Toothless.





	Broken vs. Whole

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know why but I cant stand this. like, I wrote it and I read it back and it felt off to me but I like the IDEA so here it is lol

Hiccup was not a fighter. 

It was clear to everyone that met him, everyone that knew him and everyone that spoke with him that he had no intention of becoming the strongest viking. He had absolutely zero interest in being the fiercest or most intimidating and most importantly, he didn't really have to ability to. 

Hiccup thought this was obvious with the amount of people who pointed it out to him daily. 

No matter how hard he tried, he wasn't going to be the viking son that his father wanted. Living up to those expectations was hard, so when his father allowed Hiccup to apprentice under Gobber at the forge, he relaxed. 

Maybe his father finally realized what everyone else already saw. 

He was a lost cause when it came to fighting dragons. As much as he wanted to prove everybody wrong and have his father look at him with pride and joy, a small part of him knew it was unlikely. 

So when Stoick put him in dragon training, he wasn't excited about it at all. Even more so after discovering the fact that he actually _couldn't_ kill a dragon. 

Training to kill your bestfriend's kind was a sure fire way to feel at war with yourself. 

And he did. 

The more he learned, the more he shuffled away when Toothless moved toward him. The more he held that axe, the more his gaze flickered away when Toothless locked huge green eyes on him. The more he accepted praise from Gobber and Gothi, the more he leaned away from Toothless' comforting warmth. 

He didn't _deserve _it. 

Not when he was betraying the only real friend he's ever had. 

He felt disgusting, he felt _wrong. _And Hiccup was sure that Toothless was picking up on it. 

Toothless would watch him shuffle away and gaze down shamefully with a warble of concern. 

_Are you hurt?_

Hiccup looked up briefly, in shock before looking back down. "No, I'm okay." 

Toothless huffed, taking another step forward. Hiccup stumbled back but Toothless persisted until Hiccup's back was pressed against a rock.

Toothless stopped short with a tilt of his head. He was silent, but the question was loud and clear. 

Hiccup sighed and pulled his knees up to his chest before wrapping his arms around them. Toothless noticed the way Hiccup pulled away from him, how he shifted so he was as far from the dragon as possible. 

"I'm training to be a dragon killer." He admitted quietly. Toothless almost missed it and would've been completely sure that he didn't speak at all if it wasn't for his upset look afterwards. "I'm learning to _kill _your kind." 

His voice wobbled on the word. 

Toothless, not enjoying when Hiccup was in pain, crooned softly. Hiccup didn't seem to want to hear it. 

"No." He hissed. "You don't get it. I'm supposed to be a dragon killer. I'm supposed to be ruthless and show no mercy. I'm supposed to be _happy _when I end a dragon's life. It's...it's who I am." 

Toothless watched Hiccup bury his head into his knees helplessly before his eyes caught sight of the little notebook that was hanging out of his tunic pocket. Toothless gently grabbed the notebook with his gums and pulled it away from him. 

"Hey! What-what are you doing_?" _Hiccup blinked, reaching out to grab the book back. 

Toothless hopped back playfully before turning and taking off, Hiccup unable to stop himself and giving into the chase. The sprinted around the Cove, Toothless springing off of rocks and splashing into the water and Hiccup running after him, echoing through the forest. 

Eventually, Hiccup caught up to Toothless and wrapped his arms around the dragon's neck. 

"Ah! I've got you!" He cheered. Toothless flopped onto his back as if he was defeated, automatically cradling Hiccup to his stomach. "I'm winning!" 

Toothless snorted. 

They both lay there for a moment, catching their breaths before Hiccup seemed to remember what he was thinking before. He slid off of Toothless, his smile fading. 

_Hiccup?_

Thankfully, instead of curling away from the dragon, Hiccup merely sat next to him in wing's reach. 

"How can I call myself your friend if I'm betraying you everytime I leave here?" 

Toothless turned over and carefully placed the notebook down in front of Hiccup. He motioned for Hiccup to turn the pages until he got to a specific one. It was a drawing of the two of them in the clouds. 

Toothless remembered this one clearly because it was right after their very first real flight. After being grounded for so long and being teased with small tastes of wind, that first fly was exhilarating. 

As soon as the touched back down, Toothless went bounding around the Cove in joy but Hiccup immediately turned to the book and began to do what he called 'drawing'. 

He did this everytime something excited happened. Most of them had to do with Toothless or metal work n general, but sometimes he saw other dragons. 

But Toothless _never_ saw a page about dragon killing. 

_Look here. _Toothless rumbled. _You aren't betraying me. _This_ is who you are. You don't _have _to be anything here. You can be yourself. _

Hiccup blinked down at the page of fluffy clouds and delighted faces. Toothless worried that he didn't get through to him; that there would be more shamed looks or fumbling away. But then a smile broke out over Hiccup's face and he looked up. 

"Yeah, you're right." He nodded. "I'm _not _a dragon killer. But I am a dragon rider. And that's a million times better." 

**Author's Note:**

> I stg the next one will be a million times better


End file.
